The Student Within

Being a student is really more of a state of mind than an enrollment status, I think. As a PNP student, much of my life was about the clinical aspect, not just the books. There’s a huge part of me that is always learning, and somehow seeking validation from someone saying that I have done something right. Maybe that is childish, but I feel like it also ensures that I can give safe care. As a new grad, there are a lot of things that I know in theory, but haven’t actually seen in a clinical situation yet.

One of the main challenges for me as a PNP student last year was learning to hear murmurs. I got so excited when I started to hear them on my own, and even more proud when I heard the faint ones. Well today I heard my first diastolic murmur. For those who don’t usually think about types of murmurs, these are murmurs heard on the second heart sound, and often indicate a problem. My first reaction, was fear for this boy’s health, because I actually listened to his heart because I suspected he had a complex problem affecting multiple systems. But then I realized with excitement that this was my first diastolic murmur, and it was faint! My elation disappeared when I spoke with the doctor, and I realized that I didn’t know the word for murmur in Spanish, I just said “something bad, in the diastolic part.” When he said the word for murmur, I looked at him kind of funny, because it was a word I didn’t know. So there went any chances I had of passing as a good healthcare provider in Guatemala, nearly denying a murmur because of a lack of vocabulary… But I was proud when he agreed that there was a faint diastolic murmur. In the end I am not quite sure what is going on with the murmur, but the boy was sent off to experts to evaluate everything.