My friend Becca described my feeling as "materialism guilt." I'm simultaneously torn between wanting the pretty shiny things and the peppermint mochas, but I'm also acutely aware of the items that I'm buying. I had no problem gift shopping in Guatemala, Cody will certainly tell you that. But half the stuff I bought there I bought because I wanted to give the money to the vendors and artisans. I enjoyed shopping at Fair Trade stores, and buying things on the streets. But here, it's back to the Wal-Mart style shopping, that makes me a little bit sad. It's hard not to think "oh, the cost of that necklace could feed 'x' number of people..."
This isn't the first time I have gone through this before. In fact, about 6 or even 9 months ago I remember telling myself that it was time for me to get out of the country again, because I was starting to want too many new sweaters and shoes and stuff. It comes and goes, and hanging out where I do I easily can slip back into the appreciation for pretty, new things.
Have you seen those ads from non-profits that suggest that you give someone the gift of a charitable donation in their name? I have done those a couple of times for people, and this year was the first time that someone did one for me. It might seem silly to someone who so thoroughly enjoys the latest and greatest, but it actually made me really happy. Opening that email telling me that a gift had been made in my honor made me smile that sort of smile that comes from deep within. I still feel warm and fuzzy as I think back to it. My friend was right, this was something I'd enjoy much more than a new pair of earrings. There is satisfaction in knowing that someone was given something that he or she really needed, instead of something (admittedly fun) that I don't really need.
I struggle with wondering if this materialism guilt is a good thing (a realistic thing) or not. I have no doubt that some awareness of our spending habits and our wealth is important. Now comes the question of what to do about it. Maybe I'm not going to sell my diamond ring and feed the hungry, (but then again, should I...?), but I think that a conscious effort to literally share the wealth is important.
This brings me to another important lesson. I have always felt that we have an obligation to do our absolute best to make the world a better place. In Jewish tradition this principle is called Tikkun Olam (translated: repairing the world). I take this principle to mean more than just spending wisely and being responsible consumers. To me, this obligation extends to using more than financial resources, but whatever skills and knowledge we have. At this time, I am searching for a pediatric nurse practitioner job in the Boston area. I am not too far into the job hunt (I've sent out about a dozen applications), but the stress that I am starting to feel is actually not financial. I am stressed because I feel like I have a skill to be offering the world, and I have nowhere to use it. I feel like being idle with any resource, even skills, is wasteful.
After all these heavy thoughts, the question becomes what to do. Well, first and foremost, I have to find a job. But obviously it goes beyond this. I'm an advocate for responsible consumerism, including both spending wisely, and buying fair trade, local, and organic as much as possible. I'm not saying don't buy the stuff, but think about how much you need it, and when there is a choice about the source, take into consideration fair trade, organic, etc! As for materialism guilt, I'm not writing it off, nor am I going to let it take over my shopping. It's a good reminder to help you slow down and buy responsibly, but even responsible consumerism isn't going to change the world. It's going to have to take some Tikkun Olam, and careful work.
If you are interested in donating to the clinic where I was working in Guatemala, here is the link. http://www.primerospasos.org/donate.html They offer an option to donate in someone's name as a gift, and there is other information about donating. I definitely care a lot about this organization, and I think they use their money wisely, but there are plenty of places that are worthy of donations.
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